SHABUOT: 5 customs in 1 word

Tonight we will celebrate Shabu'ot, the day we stood at the foot
of Mt. Sinai to be appointed as God's chosen people and receive the Tora.
 
There are 5 Minhaguim (customs) that most Jews follow on Shabu'ot. To remember them, keep in mind the Hebrew word

A /HA/ R/ I/ T .  א ח ר י ת

 A: Azharot or Aqdamot. During Shabu'ot we read these beautiful poems which contain the 248 positive commandments and the 365 Biblical prohibitions. The word azharot means warnings, i.e., rules, precepts. (also 613= אזהרת).

  

HA: Halab (milk), like any other Yom Tob during Shabu'ot we should have a meal with meat and wine to fulfill the Mitzva of simha (material happiness). Still, the custom is that some of the meals are dairy, which is tradition particular to Shabu'ot, and it is not followed in any other Holiday.

 

R : Ruth. During Shabu'ot we study Megilat Ruth. Among the many reasons for reading the story of Ruth is that when Ruth converted to Judaism she accepted the Tora upon herself. Likewise, in Shabu'ot we celebrate our acceptance of the Tora and becoming the Jewish nation.  Another reason for reading Megilat Ruth is that from Ruth we learn the dependency of the written Tora on the Oral Tora, because by the letter of the Tora, Ruth, a Moabite, could not have been accepted as a convert. 

I : Yereq (Greens). Many communities have the custom to decorate their Synagogues with plants, flowers or tree branches to remember Mt. Sinai. We still treasure in our collective memory that when the Tora was given to us, Mt. Sinai was green and blossoming with flowers. In the Persian tradition Shabu'ot is known as mo'eed gol (the festival of flowers).

 T : Tiqun (Reparation). The custom is to stay awake studying Tora during the night of Shabu'ot (Tuesday night until Wednesday morning) to repair for our ancestors who went to sleep the night of the sixth of Sivan instead of waiting awake for the giving of the Tora, which was taking place the following morning.

Can we lie to avoid embararsement?

The Tora instructs us to stick to the truth and stay away from lies. In some exceptional cases, however, the Rabbis acknowledged that it was permitted or even recommended to withhold the true facts (see this).  The Rabbis also considered that when a person is faced with an embarrassing situation, he is also allowed to change the story.

For example, if a person goes to see a doctor, a therapist or visits the hospital, and he meets a friend or a neighbor, and he does not wish others to know about his problem, he is allowed to withhold the truth and conceal the real reason for his visiting to the hospital. 

It is important to remember that all cases in which we are allowed to withhold the truth are situations where our narrative does not affect, damages or hurts somebody else. If there are two partners in a business, for example, and one of them made an embarrassing mistake that somehow affects the company, he can not conceal his mistake from his partner adducing embarrassment. 

Also, a son or a daughter should not lie to his or her parents (or teachers) when they made a mistake, in an attempt to avoid embarrassment. Parents are supposed to know (and accept!) that a son or a student might fail or make a mistake. And adults are there to guide and teach their children on how to learn from those mistakes.   By the way, it is very important is for parents to praise our children when, despite the embarrassment, they have the courage to tell us the truth. When children find a mature, confident and empathetic parent who helps the child processing his embarrassing experience in a positive way, that child will have no reason to hide his future mistakes from his parents and will be in a better position to avoid repeating them in the future. 

PIRQE ABOT: Sodom vs. Mi Casa Es Tu Casa

The Mishna describes  four patterns of generosity / selfishness.

When somebody says:
1.What is mine is yours and what is yours is mine. Nonsense.
2.What is yours is mine and what is mine is mine. Evil.
3.What is mine is yours and what is yours is yours. Kindness.
4.What is yours is yours, and what is mine is mine.... some say, that was the trait (=the sin) of Sodom".

According to the Mishna, the ideal attitude in Judaism is to give with kindness, to share with others what God gave us. And all this, without expecting automatic reciprocity ("What is mine is yours and, what is yours is still yours"). This is the epitome of Jewish morality.

Now, what is so wrong about "What is yours is yours, and what is mine is mine". For many, "leave ME alone and I leave YOU alone" is the best possible scenario for living in society! Moreover, why the Mishna compares this seemingly perfect behavior with Sodom, the city of evil?

First, we need to remember that Sodom was a very rich area. No one was allowed into their city (into their "club") unless he was rich, like Lot. To prevent others from sharing in their wealth, the Sodomites legislated laws against helping the needy. Strangers and poor people were not welcomed, on the contrary, they were brutally abused. 

As it is typically the case in any corrupt society, to justify their selfish laws the Sodomites developed a suitable "philosophy"(which I cannot resist to comparing with the Nietzschean notion that helping the poor and the sick delays the evolution of the Ubermensch).  The people of Sodom reasoned: Why should we share what the gods had given us with the needy? That would be a sin! If the gods would have wanted this poor man to have food, they, the gods, would have given him food! Giving food to the poor will be definitely a sin: going against the will of the gods.  This cynical philosophy, which characterized Sodom, precipitated its destruction.

In Judaism, "Mine is yours, and yours is still yours" is the practical application of "You shall love your fellowman, as you love yourself"