Thursday, October 24, 2013

Best SEGULA to find a Shiduch (for men only!)

נחית דרגא נסיב איתתא, פ' רש"י לא תקח אשה חשובה ממך שמא לא תתקבל עליה. יבמות ס"ג

Worldwide, single Jewish boys and girls are having a hard time finding their soul mates. People resort to all kind of metaphysical help and prayers-by-proxy. And for the most part, it's not working. 

Today I will share with you boys a very powerful SEGULA which can help you to find the right girl!

This SEGULA is brought in the Talmud Yebamot, 63. So, you can consider it absolutely legit! It is addressed specifically to men and it consists of just four words: נחית דרגא ונסיב איתתא. Literally: "Descend one step and get a wife". Rashi expands: "Do not look for a woman that is on a higher level than you, because she might not find you attractive".  

What the rabbis are saying is that you, the man, need to look for a girl that finds YOU attractive. Well, you have to admit that this is, indeed, a revolutionary statement for our modern society! And a big problem for those who think the Tora (or our rabbis) are chauvinist.   

Allow me to illustrate how this SEGULA works.  If I ask a guy of certain age why he still single, knowing that BH he has potential suitable candidates, he would repeat this mantra: "Rabbi, I need to find a girl that I feel attracted to her".  If a guy considers himself in terms of looks, say, level "8", he expects to find a girl who is at least on level "9" or "10". It absolutely does not cross through his mind for a second that the level "9" girl expects a level "10" guy, not an level "8" guy!   

Our rabbis said that in terms of appeal, as long as you do not feel a physical rejection for that person, you should try to explore the possibilities of a relationship when you find a good candidate. You need to allow time, closeness and eventually love to generate the long lasting attraction. The media, on the other side, is reprograming our minds to believe that "every girl who does not look like a movie star can not be attractive to me". Modern media is perhaps the main responsible for the materialistic consideration of "looks", and particularly women's looks, as the most determining factor in a Shiduch.   
This SEGULA teaches men to make a switch and think: "I must find a girl that finds ME attractive". I know many (too many, unfortunately!) guys who are very suitable bachelors.  And sometimes years might pass by until they get married. Why?  Because probably guided by their primitive hunter's instincts they often fall in the tramp of their own imagination: "I loss interest in the girls who like me. I need to conquer a girl who is still not attracted to me". This destructive utopia sometimes can last for years. 

So, if you are in this kind of a situation, and you are really looking to get married, repeat this SEGULA (nahit darga unsib iteta) at least forty times a day, and start looking for the right girl, the one who is already attracted to you.