HILKHOT TESHUBA 3:4: Rosh haShana and the Shofar

The most important Mitzva of Rosh haShana is listening to the Shofar.

The Tora does not comment explicitly the reasons for the Shofar, but our Rabbis did.

1. The Shofar was used in ancient Israel for the King's coronation. In Rosh haShana we state that God is our King ('ol malkhut shamayim), we are His subjects and as such we follow His rules. The King had the power to sentence or spare someone's life. In Rosh haShana we realize that our lives are in the hands of God, the supreme King and Judge. The key added word which is emphasized in the prayers of Rosh HaShana and Yamim Noraim is melekh. God is the King and Supreme Judge.

2. The Shofar also reminds us of aqedat Yitzchaq. Abraham Abinu was ready to sacrifice his own son to follow God's commandment. At the end, God told him to hold back because the test was over. Abraham saw a ram caught by its horns in a thicket and he offered it as a sacrifice to Him.

3. The Shofar was also used as a siren, alerting people the enemy is about to attack and their lives were in danger. In Rosh haShana the Shofar serves as a spiritual alarm clock inviting us to introspect on the fragility of our existence and repent. The Shofar is a wake up call urging us to plead with haShem and request His mercy when judging us.

In Hilkhot Teshuba 3:4, Maimonides explains that the sounding of the Shofar  conveys the  following message: "Wake up sleepy ones and those who slumber, arise. Inspect your deeds, remember your Creator. Those who forget the truth because of the temporary distractions and throughout the entire year devote their energies to the [pursue] of vanity and material emptiness which will not benefit , not save. Examine your ways and your deeds and abandon the paths of evil and the destructive [habits and] thoughts."

WATCH

A modern narrative of aqedat Yitzchaq 

and the Shofar

HILKHOT TESHUBA 4:2. Teshuba and the King

Maimonides explains the difficulties of admitting by ourselves that we have sinned. Taking charge of our misdeeds -hakarat haChet- is probably the hardest step in the process of Teshuba. In the days before Rosh haShana, we are expected to act as our own judges, and evaluate objectively and responsibly our past actions. Objectivity, goes against our normal emotional behavior, which pushes us to justify our actions, acting as our own advocates. Thus, whatever bad things we do become "good in our won eyes" (4:2).

David haMelekh committed a terrible sin, when he took bat-sheba, a married woman and sent her husband to the battlefront. David, did not repent by the call of his own conscience. Natan, the prophet, was sent by God to admonish David and help him realize the seriousness of the sin he committed. Natan presented David, who in his capacity as a King was also the supreme Judge of Israel, with a (fictitious) case: A rich man owned thousands of animals. His neighbor, very poor, had only one lamb. One day, the rich man received a guest. In order to save one of his own sheep, the rich man decided to steal and slaughter his neighbor's lamb, which he dearly loved. As Natan had expected, the King reacted angrily. David said: "That man (the rich guy) deserves to die!"Natan the prophet then turned to David and said: atta ha-ish.... "You are that man!". Faced now with the objective facts, and with the sentence he issued as a judge 'against himself', David recognized his wrongdoing, repented and admitted: 'chattati laHashem...' , 'I have sinned against God'.

For these transgressions, David was not permitted to build thebet-haMiqdash, but God accepted his Teshuba. Natan opened the King's eyes helping him to realize the gravity of his actions objectively, allowing him to free himself from the psychological mechanisms of self-defense which represent one of the biggest obstacles  on the way to repentance.

HILKHOT TESHUBA: The Obstacles on the way to Teshuba

In Chapter 4 of Hilkhot Teshuba Maimonides enumerates twenty-four actions or personality patterns or attitudes that prevent or make very difficult for a person to begin or undergo the process of repentance.

Some examples:

DOMINO EFFECT (4:1) Those who because of their teachings or their bad example, etc. induce or influence other people to sin, causing a negative domino effect. Teshuba, in this case, is virtually impossible because part of the process of repentance is repairing what one has done wrong. Once one prompted or influenced other people to do the wrong thing, how could he repair the damage he caused? From a practical point of view, he is beyond redemption, because despite his own personal repentance, his teachings are still exerting a negative influence in others to an unknown extent. 

CALCULATED TESHUBA (4:1) Sinning with the intention of repenting later. Maimonides refers here to a situation in which I'm about to commit a sin and I tell to myself   "I can repent for this sin later on." Or: "Since Yom Kippur is a day of forgiveness , God will forgive me for the sin I'm about to commit". In these conditions Teshuba is unacceptable. Because Teshuba is accepted by the Creator only when it comes from a sincere remorse, not as a calculated game plan. 

DEFENSIVE PERSONALITY (4:2) Someone who hates to be corrected or criticized. Imagine a person incapable of accepting a minimal dose of respectful criticism, even when coming from those who care for his or her well being. Many times, this type of personality disfunction is a consequence of a low self esteem, which prevents a person to cope with any rebuke because his self esteem will collapse. This person, Maimonides concludes, will likely continue with his or her bad habits because he is incapable to allow himself  to see himself as other people perceive him. This is one of those cases in which you cannot help those who don't want (or cannot) help themselves. 

 Great people talk about ideas. 

Average people talk about things. 

Small people talk about other people. 

                                                                                              unknown

HILKHOT TESHUBA 3:14: Teshuba and bullying

In the third chapter of Hilkhot Teshuba, Halakha 5,  Maimonides asserts that the Jews and the righteous among the gentiles (chaside ummot ha'olam) will have a share in the world to come ('olam habba, i.e., the afterlife). 

Then Maimonides writes about the exceptional cases. Those who because of the severity of their sin would be excluded from the world to come, unless they repent during their lifetime.  Maimonides enumerates twenty four categories of sins, some of them related to radical statements or ideas like, denying the existence of God, or His unity or His incorporeality, etc. and some of them related to severe sins, mainly in terms of their irreparable effects, like treason (moredim, moserim) killing, slandering (ba'ale lashon hara) etc.

Interestingly, toward the end of the chapter (3:14) Maimonides refers to eight cases, seemingly of a lesser severity, which were also mentioned (strategically) by the Rabbis among those sins for which one losses his or her part in the world to come. 

Four of these cases could be translated in modern term as "bullying" (nicknaming, verbal offense, embarrassing someone in public). Bullying is a kind of verbal abuse which's effects are not less severe than physical violence. Unlike physical violence, bullying is not penalized by the law and it could go unseen for a long time. It is uncommon for the victims of bullying, especially in cases of low self esteem, to denounce the perpetrators, and the torment might go on with devastating emotional effects. In our days bullying is unfortunately epidemic. In some cases the class (or the bus) is divided into three groups: the bullies, the victim/s and those who watch (=bystanders). 

As parents, we need to be alert and detect the symptoms of bullying.  We should educate our children to denounce bullying and, as importantly, we should teach them to respect, and when necessary defend the dignity of every human being. 

√ A shocking video of kids bullying an elderly school bus monitor  

√ A great movie about bullying, recommended for parents, to watch with their children. 

HILKHOT TESHUBA Teshuba and blame displacement

In Maimonides' opinion Teshuba consists of three steps:

1. hakarat hachet, or admission of our personal responsibility .

2. viduy, or confession with sincere remorse for the wrong we have done

3. 'azibat hachet ,or the resolve to abandon our bad habits.

hakarat hachet is probably the most difficult challenge in Teshuba. Because we naturally tend to justify and rationalize whatever wrong we have done. Or, we might be tempted to play the oldest human game: "blame displacement".

Everyone knows that God punished Adam and Eve expelling them from Paradise. But why did He punish them? Was it because they ate from the forbidden tree?

Try this. Put on a table all kind of candies, sweets, and cakes in front of a six years old child. In the middle of the table place a simple cherry-tomato. Now, tell the child: 'You can eat whatever you want except for the tomato'. It will be only a matter of time until the child disobeys, leaves all the carb-loaded foods and grabs the tomato. The forbidden fruit syndrome triggers an irresistible curiosity and desire for what we cannot have, just because we cannot have it. According to Rabbi Yosef Albo (Spain, 1380-1444), Adam and Eve's sin was not eating from the fruit. God, he reasons, knew they will succumb. God wanted to train the first couple to take charge, confess and repent for their wrong actions. Knowing that making mistakes is part of the human nature, HaShem was teaching them the way to repair and reset: Teshuba!

Adam's original sin happened when God approached him and asked him: 'What did you do?' and instead of admitting his responsibility and asking for God's forgiveness Adam 'transferred' the blame to Eve saying: 'the woman that You gave to me (You=God. Adam was now blaming God!) she offered me the fruit'. Then God approached Eve and she said: 'It wasn't me! The serpent made me do it'.

'Blame displacement,' i.e., holding others responsible for our own misdeeds, is probably the main obstacle for repentance, or at least the oldest one.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

                                                                Albert Einstein

HILKHOT TESHUBA 3:1: Teshuba and the tipping point

In the third chapter of his Hilkhot Teshuba Maimonides explains that in terms of religious behavior, we find three categories of people: rasha, tzadiq, benoni .

The rasha (wicked) is the person whose balance of actions is negative.  Then we have the tzadiq (righteous), the one who has done more good than bad. And then, the benoni, which Maimonides defines as the person whose good and bad actions are in a sort of a balance (3:1).

In the next Halakha (3:2) Maimonides clarifies that the calculation of good or bad actions is inaccessible to us. This estimation does not depend on the quantity of Mitzvot we do or on anything knowable to us. Part of this equation has to do with interior  psychological forces that drive us, our intentions, our inner potential, the effect our actions have in other people, etc. Those are matters that only God knows and can bring into account for a fair judgment. 

Now, since we ignore whether in His eyes we are righteous or, God forbid, wicked, how do we have to see ourselves? 

When I see myself as a completely righteous person I might relay too much in my merits and do nothing further to improve my life. Or if I see myself as wicked, I might think that I'm beyond redemption, and do nothing to improve.

Maimonides concludes that "a person should always perceive himself as benoni,  i.e., standing in a balanced scale between equal amount of merits and sins...". This balanced scale is not stable at all.  My immediate next action (or the next one, or perhaps the following one, etc.) will determine if I'm a good person or a bad person.

The best motivation to live a life of constant improvement is to perceive myself in the middle.  And live and act as if the very next action I'm about to do will define me: my next choice is the tipping point of my entire personality. 

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”

Albert Einstein

HILKHOT TESHUBA 2:10: Unilateral forgiveness

Yesterday we explained that when somebody apologizes for an offense or for a wrong thing he or she did to us, we should be willing to forgive and also forget. After all, we are asking from God to forgive us: taking the fist step will be the best way to demonstrate that we deserve to be forgiven (see here).  

I was asked by a reader of HOTD yesterday: Can we unilaterally forgive or should we wait for a request for forgiveness?

There is a fundamental difference between asking forgiveness and granting forgiveness. As the reader (D.A.) hinted, granting forgiveness can be done unilaterally. It is nice if the offender comes and apologizes. But sometimes people have too much psychological barriers or pride (i.e., low self esteem) or shyness, which impairs them from the possibility of taking charge and ask forgiveness. 

And then, we still can forgive. 

How and why? 

In the Talmud, Megila 28a, we read that R. Nechunya ben haQana, who was very old, was asked by his disciples: "In virtue of what have you reached such a good old age? He quoted the verse. 'Nor did the curse of my fellow go up on my bed with me'. This is illustrated by Mor Zutra, who, [every night] when going to bed would say: I forgive all those who have offended me".  

This unilateral and unrequested forgiveness released Rabbi Nechunya from hatred and resentment and it impacted positively the length (and I would guess also the quality) of his life.  I'm sure it might work for us as well!  

There is a beautiful prayer, inspired by the example of Mor Zutra, found in any prayer book which is recited as part of the reading of the Shema Israel before going to sleep. When said with the proper understanding it helps us to cultivate the habit of forgiveness and prepares us emotionally for such a difficult task. (See below).   

I must clarify once again that I'm referring particularly to social and personal offenses, i.e.,  when a friend, a family member, a colleague, a neighbor, etc. did or say something wrong. Political forgiveness or criminal cases are a more complicated matter which can not be addressed in these brief lines. 

The  prayer RIBBONO SHE OLAM HARENi MOCHEL VESOLEACH to say before we go to sleep. 

  

"Master of the Universe; Behold, I forgive anyone who angered or offended me, whether it was directed toward my person or my money or my honor or anything which pertains to me. [I forgive them] whether the action was performed by total accident or willingly, through neglect or premeditation, whether it was done through speech or physical action. [I forgive them and I request You]: may no person be punished because of me..."

HILKHOT TESHUBA 2:10. Forgive for your own sake

The days of Elul are days of Teshuba. We ask forgiveness from God, for any ritual transgressions we might have done. And we should seek our peer's forgiveness for any offenses or damage we might have caused them. 

We also need to be willing to forgive. 

In Chapter 2, Halakha 10, Maimonides discusses forgiveness. He says: "It is forbidden for a person to be insensitive (akhzari) and refuse to be appeased... rather, when someone approaches him seeking his forgiveness, he should forgive him wholeheartedly and with a positive spirit".

Forgiving is a very complex and difficult emotional task. But in the days when we prepare ourselves to ask forgiveness from God, we should be willing to forgive others as well.

Forgiving also implies the capacity of forgetting. I don't mean forgetting the bad experience and the lessons we have learned from it, but letting go the anger, the anguish and the personal feelings of revenge that an offense might have caused to us.   

Emotional forgetfulness is the ultimate state of forgiveness. If we have decided to forgive an offense with our head but somehow emotionally we are still caught by hatred and resentment, then wholehearted forgiveness has not been achieved.  When we don't get those negative feelings out of our system, we damage our entire emotional system and to make things worse, we give the perpetrator a free ride to take control of our minds. 

I must clarify that I'm are referring particularly to social and personal offenses, i.e., when my friend, a family member, a colleague, a neighbor, etc. did something bad or said something wrong to me or about me. Political forgiveness or criminal cases are a more complicated matter which can not be addressed in these brief lines. 

A person starts to live when he can live outside himself 

                                             Albert Einstein

HILKHOT TESHUBA 2:1. Credibility and repentance

What is considered a perfect repentance? When one is faced with the same opportunity to repeat the original transgression, but now he does not do it because he has repented... however, when one does not repeat the original transgression, [and refrains from sinning] because now he fears people will find out... his repentance is still accepted, but it is not considered a perfect repentance  

Maimonides gives the example of a man who was involved in an illicit relationship and later on repents. The ultimate test of his repentance would take place if that man is eventually faced with a similar opportunity but now he refrains from repeating the transgression because of his new understanding and remorse. 

However, if that man is not faced again with similar circumstances as those leading to his earlier sin (he definitely should not seek them!) or if he faces a similar scenario but now he refrains from sinning because he suspects somebody will find out about his affair, his Teshuba is still accepted. But it is not a perfectTeshuba. Why? because this man might now have changed not because of his conscience, but because of the new circumstances.

A modern example: Sometimes we read in the news about famous people caught doing immoral things. Almost invariably, they would come in front of the cameras and publicly repent and apologize for what they have done. That act is definitely an act of repentance. However, it is at least questionable in terms of its credibility and genuineness, since the whole process of repentance happened as a consequence of having been caught. It cannot be known if they would have really repented from their wrongdoing had they not been caught...  

  

Following Maimonides, the perfect repentance in this case would take place when, while still involved in an illicit relationship or other immoral act, and with no external impediment to continue with it, one decides out of his own conscience (not because of the media!), to stop, repent and change. 

That is a perfect and credible Teshuba.

HILKHOT TESHUBA 1:1. To be or not to be specific?

According to Maimonides, the commandment of Teshuba is fulfilled when we recite the Viduy.  Viduy consists in  verbally articulating our transgressions, admitting our responsibility and feeling regret and shame for the wrong things we have done.

The Viduy/confession is done privately. We do not disclose our sins in front of other people or a minister, but right in front of God. Whispering the confession to ourselves.

There is a discussion in the Talmud (Rabbi Yehuda ben Baba vs. Rabbi Aqiba) if one has to specify his wrongdoings or one can just state in general terms that he has acted wrongly. (It is similar to the situation we face when we want to apologize to someone else with whom we often interact: should we apologize mentioning the specifics of our wrongdoing or should we just say a general "I'm sorry"?)

According to the Shulchan Arukh, there is no need to mention every specific sin that one has committed. This leniency aims at not discouraging a person who wants to repent but is not capable--or courageous enough--of recalling the specifics of his bad behavior.

Maimonides, however, rules like the first opinion and indicates that one has to aim to mention in his private confession everything wrong he has done, H. Teshuba 1:1, "and then one shall confess, I have done so and so...".

To follow Maimonides opinion, one will need to apply himself to a deep introspection, exercising greatly his memory, struggling against his own denial, reviewing actions, and perhaps, writing down all misdeeds he can remember.

In this context, the text of the Viduy --the one we say for Selichot for example-- should be seen as a reminder of the subjects we should review, repent for, and hopefully correct.

This challenging spiritual/ethical activity cannot be done overnight. We dedicate to it forty days, from the beginning of Elul until Yom Kippur: the day we devote ourselves entirely and exclusively to Teshuba/Viduy.

WATCH 

 from Prager University

HILKHOT TESHUBA 1:1: Teshuba and Chutzpa

The rabbis considered 'shame' (busha) as one of the three components of the Jewish ethico-ethnical makeup. Together with the practice of benevolence (gemilut chasadim) and compassion (rachmanut). The Rabbis went as far as to say that whoever does not posses the trait of shame, could be presumed that "his ancestors did not stand at Mt. Sinai" (an euphemism to say that he might not be ethnically Jewish).

Besides seeing shame as an innate condition of the Jewish character--in complete contradiction with the alleged Jewish 'chuptza'-- the Rabbis explained that 'shame' is a prerequisite for a perfect Teshuba (repentance).

Maimonides writes that when a man or a woman commits a sin... "they shall confess the sin they have done... by saying, `O Lord, I have sinned, transgressed and rebelled in front of You; I have done such- and-such, and I am ashamed of my actions and will never do it again'."

The feeling of shame is a critical step for a sincere process of Teshuba.

Why?

Because unlike guilt--which is a private feeling-- shame consist in the uncomfortable sensation of facing our flaws or misdeeds in front of others.  

God is invisible. It is extremely challenging for a Jew to be aware of His constant presence. Therefore, we are not easily ashamed of doing something wrong privately (= "just" in front of God), as we are naturally ashamed of doing something wrong in front of other people. 

Now, feeling embarrassed while confessing our transgressions to God would mean that we have achieved this elevated level of closeness to God: The realization and awareness of God's presence.  The higher our state of awareness of God's presence, the higher the feeling of shame we feel in front of God,  and vise-versa.  

HILKHOT TESHUBA: 1:1. The ultimate regret

In his monumental book, Mishne Tora, Maimonides dedicates ten chapters to the subject of Teshuba (repentance). In those chapters he describes and explains the technical issues involved in the process of repentance. He also deals in length with the idea of freedom of choice and how it relates to Teshuba. In the eighth Chapter he clarifies the Jewish view on the afterlife ('olam-habba) and in the last chapter he elaborates on the proper way to serve God: if we should serve God expecting a reward or out of our unconditional love for Him. 

In this month, Elul, B'H I will try to cover some of these important issues. 

Hilkhot Teshuba 1: 1:

"All the commandments of the Tora, when a person transgress a prohibition or when he fails to perform a positive commandment... when he regrets....". 

Normally, we think of Teshuba/repentance as regretting our mistakes, flaws, misdeeds, etc. But according to Maimonides' statement we also, or primarily, need to regret what we have notdone. We are accountable not just for our actions but also for our inaction and idleness. For not doing all the good and right things we should have done. 

Many times, when I've visited in the Hospital patients who knew they will die soon (and they were conscious) I've seen that they do not focus their regret on the mistakes they might have made. Rather, at those most sacred last moments, when their whole life lies in front of them and there is not more time to change anything, invariably, I found out, people regret the good things they should have done and they didn't do. The many opportunities they've missed to make a change. Big or small. At these moments, when they realize more than ever the preciousness of time, they regret to have waisted so much of it in material-fruitless efforts instead of giving more, helping more, fighting for what is right and getting closer to God.  People regret they have missed their full potential.  The greater the person or the highest position or the power that person had, the bigger the feeling of frustration for having missed so many opportunities to impact positively his own life and the life of others. 

Following this simple idea, Teshuba implies, first of all, the realization of our talents. Taking charge and being responsible for maximizing our potential to make a change, to give, to inspire and to come closer to God. 

WATCH THIS POWERFUL 1 min. CLIP 

How much life are you choosing?

Selichot and the NYC Marathon

From the second day of the month of Elul until Yom Kippur the Sepharadic custom is to recite the Selichot prayer.

Selichot is a special Tefila which inspires us to introspect, reflect on our actions and ask forgiveness from the Almighty for our mistakes and wrongdoings. Selichot is traditionally said before the morning prayer (Shacharit) although, technically, Selichot could be said also during nighttime or even during the day. Following an ancient custom  in our community we don't say Selichot in between sunset and midnight. That is why those Minyanim in which Selichot is said at night will always start after (Halakhic) midnight. 

The Ashkenazi Minhag is to start Selichot services the last Sunday before Rosh haShana. However, when Rosh haShana falls on a Monday or Tuesday (it can never fall on a Sunday) Selichot will begin two Sundays before Rosh haShana.

During the entire month of Elul the Ashkenazim and most Sepharadim have the custom to blow the Shofar. The Ashkenazim blow the Shofar at the end of Shacharit. Our custom is to blow the Shofar at the end of Selichot prayers, right before Shacharit . Many Sephardim (Moroccans, and North african communities) blow the Shofar while reciting the 13 attributes of mercy (vaya'abor... ).

The goal of Selichot is to prepare ourselves spiritually for the process of Teshuba (introspection, repentance) which will culminate in Yom Kippur.  Imagine Yom Kippur as a spiritual marathon: a whole day consecrated exclusively to Teshuba. No one will run the marathon without a previous training.  You have to prepare months in advance to be in a good shape and endure the tremendous physical effort required in the 26.2 miles NYC Marathon.  Similarly, if we want to be able to focus in the sophisticated mental and spiritual process of Teshuba for a whole day we cannot come unprepared. We need an intense training, for which the Selichot is the essential part.   

READ ABC's of Elul  The last month of the Jewish calendar is actually the most important - serving as preparation for the High Holidays.  by Rabbi Shraga Simmons, from Aish.