The
rasha' (the bad guy) is the person whose balance of good deeds against
bad deeds is negative. The tsadiq (a righteous person) is the one who
has done more good than harm. And the benoni (the average person) is
defined by Maimonides as the person whose good and bad deeds are in a
state of equilibrium (3:1).
At
a later Halakha (3:4) Maimonides explains that the calculation of our
own fault and merits is inaccessible to us. This estimate does not
depend on the number of Mitsvot we have done, as if the Tora would be a
system of "points" in a scoreboard. Actually this calculation is only
known to God. Why? Because He is the only one who knows, for example,
what our real positive potential is. If my potential is 10 and I reached
7, I have less merit than the person whose potential is 5 and reached
5.
Another
example, only HaShem knows the intensity of the negative psychological
forces that might be driving a person to do what he or she does. The
more intense these forces are, the more merit has the individual who
overcomes them. For one person it may not be very difficult to avoid
stealing because he might have a natural inclination to honesty. For
another individual, not stealing or lying might be a huge challenge.
The balance of our merits and faults, says Maimonides, is only known to God.
This
thought leads Maimonides to the following question: Since I cannot know
if in God's eyes I am or am not a righteous person, how do I have to
see myself?
If
I see myself as a great guy, I might rely too much on my merits and
remain in a state of inertia, doing nothing to improve my life. On the
other hand, if I see myself as a bad guy, I might think I'm already
beyond redemption (= ye-ush, a state in which we give up) and will do
nothing to improve.
Maimonides
concludes (3:8) that a person should always perceive itself as a
perfect 50/50. As if my good and bad deeds are at a delicate balance,
between merits and sins, permanently. Knowing that I am in that
state of equilibrium, the next action I do will definitely count! What I
will do in the next few minutes is extremely important because it will
determine whether I am a good or a bad person.
Thus, my next action becomes the tipping point of my entire personality. What I do next will determine who I really am.